We have been spending so much time apart lately. If I think about it, a lot of our relationship and connection has been built over distances. I always have felt connected to you because I know and trust that I am your one.
When something tickles me, I want to laugh at it with you. When someone makes you mad, I want to be mad at them with you. I've felt like yours for so many years now. I can't imagine giving my heart to anyone else.
When I'm in the world without you, I feel like my best self only because you are with me in my heart. You are so much of who I am.
I think you are with me because I am a mostly good person. I know I'm not good at keeping my mind focused, and I have a pretty narrow way of understanding the world through my own feelings. I do feel worthy of your heart. If I am careless sometimes, I am sorry. I am as gentle as I know how to be. You are hard to read in the moment, but you are easy to know. There is no sound that brings me more joy than your laugh. I know that there have been times I have failed you. It's never been a lapse of love. I can't even remember a time when I didn't love you with every one of my cells. I've never been bored by you or wanted to disconnect. I love you as constantly as I need air and I think it is as essential to my life.
I'm also scared for my heart because I know that I am a choice for you and you are so essential to me. I am scared for you too; that you protect my heart at your expense because I can't be brave when it comes to you. I can't keep that fear inside my body because it leaks out of me. It is always there barely under the surface even on good days. The more I love, the more I fear letting you down, hurting you, showing you the worst parts of myself. I don't think I am capable of creating the distance from my feelings that you are, but you should know that my mind is still working in those moments. Inside I am still wanting to connect with what you feel and what you need. I hate the thought that your feelings go unspoken because I am so obvious with mine.
I want to do the right things for you. I want to hold your hand when you are feeling lonely or small. I want to provide you the same comfort that you give me. I want to assure you that I can do those things for you even though I seem too fragile. I'm not really fragile, I'm just unhidden. I would rather hear the worst truth than not know you how you really are inside. I love you so much Satu. You really are my sun, my moon and all my stars. As we change in this life together, you are still all of the light in my world.
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