Friday, April 7, 2017

Double plus uncozy

Right now I am at my younger sister's house getting to know my new nephew Sam and reconnecting with my sister. I love them both so much, but I feel decidedly out of sorts without Satu around. I miss our home and the way we quietly connect just by being around each other. I miss the terrible little dog squeezing between us when we try to spoon and I miss the one eyed cat purring like a chainsaw while she makes really uncoordinated muffins on the comforter.

I miss feeling like Satu and I are united against the world, cozied up together in our cave preparing to face the day together. I miss the way she smells especially feminine before work like lotion or hairspray, or whatever happens in that tiny bathroom of ours that prepares her to be seen. Except by me. I get to see her as she is. Unguarded. Perfect.

One of the things I love most about living with Satu is the little moments of joy that she finds everywhere. Look at that lady cardinal in the bush! Can you believe that this hairball I found under the couch is perfectly round? Look how serious the dog is when he tries to figure out if he likes olives. Every day is full of ordinary moments that mean something because I have her in my life to share them with. It is like having a sleepover with my best friend every night and always being excited to get home.

As much as I love my sister, this sleepover would be so much better with my wife here. I'd love to see her hold Sam. I think that Satu is hard for me to read sometimes. She's really tender on the inside, but she often doesn't show it to others. I just know that if she held Sam next to her chest, all of the joy molecules in her would click together and make a giant ball of happy light inside her. She is good with babies and animals after all. I'm happy to be her animal.

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