The family peanut

Look at him!!!! Sam. He's perfect. And he's the big news this week! Satu and I have a nephew!!

I am not sure how my sister managed to get a 9lb 8oz perfect baby boy out of her lady garden and is still able to walk around, but Satu and I couldn't be more thrilled with the new addition to our family.

We have talked about having children of our own, but with lesbians, these things don't just happen like they do when straight couples find themselves alone in a dark room.

I can't imagine how much crushing love Kim must feel for Sam because Satu and I already love him completely and infinitely. For the first time in my life, I truly understand what people mean when they talk about babies like they are little miracles. Tiny, impossible little people. Everyone knows how this happens, and still, when it happens, it seems so crazy, so science fiction, so infinitely wonderful.

Satu is going to be a wonderful aunt. Here is a list of some of the reasons that I know she belongs in our family and will be such a great influence on the new little guy.

1. She understands children and small animals. She is a comforting influence on anyone that needs the light touch of a reassuring hand.

2. She is strong enough to keep on loving and loving and loving through all of the weird ups and downs that come with growing up.

3. She is loyal. If there was one word that I would choose to describe my wife, it is loyal. She is true to herself. True to her ideals and will be there to love that little man as fiercely as anyone else on earth.

4. Satu is great at flirting and understands women. When Sam needs advice that can't come from his parents, Satu will tell it like it is. She will make sure that the young man has good "game" without sacrificing being a good person.

5. Satu understands people like no one I have ever known. She is a careful observer, and though strangers may not know it, she is one of the most empathetic people that I know. There is not a person on earth that she won't try to understand.

6. Satu talks to children like they are real, important people who matter. Because they are. She is playful, but respectful of their person hood. She shows everyone respect for their individuality. Just because you are three years old doesn't mean that you should get talked down to or patronized. You should be talked to like a person.

7. Satu knows how important an aunt can be to help develop a well rounded kid. She talks about summers with her own aunt that helped her understand a different perspective on family.

8. Satu is one of the most steady people I know. She belongs in our family.

When I was a teenager, I felt like I needed distance from my mom, but I still needed to talk to grownups and to feel reassured by someone who loved me. For a summer when I was particularly lost and felt overwhelmed by the fragility of life, I wrote letters to my mom's twin sister. She always answered and as far as I know never broke confidence. It was good to be watched over by someone just outside of the nucleus. I feel like Satu is the calm, supportive one between the two of us and I could see her providing that same kind of support to Sam if he needed it. She is a metal dog. Loyal, sturdy and trustworthy. I know Sam is going to love her.

The whole Dam family

Every time I put up a blog post, Satu reminds me that this is really the best present that I can give her. It is free and I can do it from home, so to me it doesn't seem like much of a prezzie, but to her it is better than flowers, comic books, desiccants, gran marrrrrar or any of the other odd things that she likes to have as a surprise. It is certainly better to her than most of the stuff that I have delivered here to the house. Every time a box arrives, she still looks at it hopefully and asks "what is it?"You would think that she would know better by now. It's probably shoe laces or hinges in the mail, a source of constant disappointment. Here though, It's a weird little space where I can remind her that I love her. (Why do I need spell check for weird every damn time? You would think, that it would one of my go-to adjectives.)

I love you honey. Don't ever forget it. I love you when you are near me and when you are nowhere to be found. I feel better and more like myself whenever you walk in the room. I love the way you smell, the sound of your voice and the way you scoot around when you are chasing the cat. I love that you can look funny and a little scornful at the same time.

See.

I love our whole damn family so much that I can hardly imagine what I would be like on my own. I certainly wouldn't live in a home like this, or love it as much as I do. The best part about our place is that it is ours. Every daydream that I enjoy has you at the center of it somewhere. There is no hike I want to have without you, no road trip, no fancy food and no art that I can imagine that wouldn't be better experienced with you. When I daydream about building a little space in the basement it is because I want a place like that for us to enjoy. How lucky am I? Most married people want a man cave or a suite of their own. I just want another room to nest in with you and expand our fun little home together. 

I often forget that for you, this little blog is a new space where you can connect with me. It seems kind of fitting that I just want to nest in this house and to feel close and you just want to nest in your mind to feel close. 

I'm sorry I don't do this more. 

There can never be enough ways to say I love you. 

I love you all the ways.

A space for art

Finally we are doing more than talking about an art studio. We found a place in Cleveland Heights that was opening studios and snatched one up for Satu. The place is colorful and alive. The exact opposite of our basement. When I moved Satu in last Friday, I thought that all of her art was either heavy, sharp or fragile. When she started to move in on Saturday, I realized that there were treasures in there that I had never seen before. There were colorful signs of a past group project and a moving, but really sad piece about the bird flu. The piece was even sadder to me because I know how fond Satu really is of birds. She delights in all creatures, not just the cuddly or accessible ones. Somehow she can still feel very close to an animal that she can never touch. It is enough for her to get a quick, sideways head tip from a blue jay, or not..
 I thought it was wonderful to see Satu in what I think of as her natural habitat. When she talks about art and music, it opens this door to her private interior. It was really wonderful to see her talk to people about her own art and see her reach out to folks who were all there for the same reason. She seemed comfortable and excited about learning new things. She seemed at home in her new studio even though there is more work to do. I hope one day she will make that her job if she feels inspired there and fill her days being creative and happy. It seems to me that when Satu is most herself, that is how she would choose to occupy her time. The world would be a better place for experiencing her art.