People disappoint you. That is part of being the best person that you know how to be. Satu was raised by people who were always nice to strangers and who believed in diamonds in the rough. Her people were only ever mean to her or eachother, never ones to judge strangers and always quick to point out a stereotype.
My people sometimes let stereotypes go or silently agreed with some really fucked up stuff, but at their core there was always some common thread between us and the rest of the world. That gave us the security to call a black person an ass hole without feeling like it was a race thing. Maybe it is just an ass hole thing. We called white ass holes what they were without feeling like we were in some kind of group with them just because we shared a skin tone.
Maybe that is the difference between growing up lower or middle class. You know that a fancy shirt doesn't make you smart or nice and a hand me down dress doesn't either. You are what you are and you should be treated accordingly.
When I was growing up, I had lots of jobs in food service or retail. I remember trying to run the register at a health food store on my first day there and being dressed down in public by a lady with nose cancer because I didn't know what hippy dippy herb she was looking for. I still feel about an inch tall when I think about how paralyzed I felt and how all of the words backed up in my brain somewhere behind my hot, ringing heartbeat.
Satu is experiencing the same thing now, which she shouldn't be at this point in her life because she doesn't have to, Somehow instead of feeling more stable and established, she has started to doubt herself, so when people treat her like shit, the wall is a little lower than it was before.
Bad people treat you like shit, especially if you aren't. It makes them feel even stronger to take on someone who looks like Satu. She seems like a tank, wears an air of confidence and when she shows you kindness, sometimes you know it is just because she is a genuinely good and kind person.
Shitty people get under there and destroy from within. I wish that Satu could spend a second seeing herself the way that most people see her. She would understand why people who are disillusion and
angry will never trust her. They don't trust anyone, never had someone be kind for no reason and don't know how to treat strangers as if they have the same tender fragile souls that we all have somewhere.
I hope that as our lives go on Satu finds more people who will love her as much as I do. I want her to feel surrounded by people who realize how special she is. I want everyone to laugh when she surprises them of feel their hearts break when she looks them in the eyes. It is the way people should connect.
I wish that I could keep her away from ass holes, but I think that one of the things I like best about Satu is that she will never assume that the next person will be as bad as they are, and the constant let down surprises her.
All of us deserve better than that. Being a person is hard enough without all of the other people that are trying to do it breaking you down.
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