Curiosities around the home- Bucephalus

Bucephalus, named for Alexander the Great's horse, was originally made to be a part of a retail display at Satu's work. She stayed up late one night bending the frame into shape by hand. He was such a labor of love, that he had to come back home. Now, I stuff him with fresh pinestraw every year and put a glowing red nose on him at Christmas. In the spring he wears flowers in his mane.Gimmie is jealous and pees on him whenever he gets a chance.

"I know which side starboard is," she said on the way to the boat. "This is the hand that makes the S."

On Video Games

Deus Ex: " I like to line the bodies up on the pier. It's neater and I can survey my handiwork"

Faunasphere: " It's too soon. I hope blinky is ok"

Tiny Tower: "I need those fuckers to work harder. I have things to build in this phone"

About Farting

"Ummm. that was not a fart. It sounded like a fart, but some moths just flew out of my butt opening and closing their briefcases. No, I don't know why they were in there."

Language of the Apes

"Girl, I can't wait to get back home and continue learning the language of the apes...What? You can't get that shit on Rosetta Stone."

Dog park



My dog

 We're two for two.
The city of John's Creek down the street from us has a wonderful dog park called Newtown dog park. It is a great place for dogs to sniff some butts and romp about, but it is where our dogs like to embarrass us.
On our first visit, it was a hot, busy day for the park. The park has a fountain in the center where dogs can play in the water and cool off. It is the gathering point for humans as well.


Other people's dogs

 I enjoy watching the dogs play, so I sat down on the astro-turf just outside the fountain and watched other people's dogs play while our dogs wandered aimlessly to pee on stuff. Satu struck up a conversation with a lovely couple on the other side of the fountain. Suddenly, I had a curious sensation of heat on my back. That was followed by the realization that hot was accompanied by wet which was immediately followed by the understanding that I had just been peed on. I turned around, fully expecting to see that troublesome pug that had been hanging around looking up at me with guilty pug eyes. Instead I saw Gimmie put his leg down and trot off like this was his usual thing.
I was stunned and I looked over at Satu to see if she was going to snatch him up, but she and her new friends were all doubled over laughing. When she could manage, she threw a finger out toward where Gimmie was ignoring her "Ahhhahaha, N-no. ha ha. bad dog. hmm ha ha hmmmm," she wheezed.

Little pisser doesn't even feel bad about it

On our second trip to the dog park, the water was off. There were a few dogs there with their people, but it was too hot  to stick around long without water. Sassy spent a few minutes carrying a ball around and then found the only water in the park. It was a muddy little puddle in the shade. I expected her to drink from the puddle, but my sweet girl, who wouldn't go near the clean fountain water when it was on, laid down in the mud like a pig. Other dogs came over and sniffed her and wandered off. She just looked at me blissfully from her puddle.
We're so proud.

Cookie monster has a twitter account?

S- "Cookie monster tweets? Well, that makes sense I guess. I've been tweeting church signs for a while."
K- "You're on twitter?"
S-  "Oh yeah, girl. There's all kinds of stuff you don't know about me."
 She pulls out her phone and reads off a list of crazy billboard sayings. They're like fortune cookies from God.
K- "That's all you tweet!?"
S- "Yep. Well, sometimes I do chiropractic signs if I think they're good enough."

Cross country games

My job often keeps me out of town. It is why, after almost four years of dating, we live two hours apart and spend so much time missing each other instead of living our fairy tale happily ever after. When I am not with Satu, I try to collect little experiences to share with her. When something is funny, I usually imagine if she would laugh too, and if something is sad, I imagine her with me and it makes me feel stronger. I try to make only choices that she would be proud of and always make my way back to her as soon as I am free. When I fly, my mind wanders always to her sweet smile. The pictures in this post are part of my favorite traveling game.

It's not great, but it will do.

     One of Satu's favorite games is called " What if I was a paraplegic?" The rules are very simple though it is difficult for me to play and I have never actually won a round. The game starts with a hug, and then without warning, player 1 (Satu) will go limp and heavy in player 2's (me) arms. The objective is for player 2 to not let player 1 fall on the floor and also to get her upstairs and tucked into bed for the evening without injuring her in any way. Player 1 decides who wins.
     Satu is a small, but very unwieldy package when she becomes dead weight. That's not an excuse, just  a fact. One recent evening after a nightcap, I approached my love with outstretched arms. It is usually easier to get a hug after a nightcap since she is much less squirmy, and I like to get her in my arms whenever she can be caught. I soon found myself with an arm full of giggly, but otherwise immobile girlfriend.
     I stopped for a moment to strategize. Could I put her on my shoulder? No, that would risk me banging parts of her on the door frame. Should I grab her bottom and hoist her onto my hip? I thought about holding her bottom for a long moment. I would never get her up the stairs, but even after I had decided against it, I thought about holding her bottom just to enjoy the daydream. Finally, I decided to lean her upper body into the crook of my left arm and carry the rest of her like a stack of school books under my right. It wasn't ideal, but maybe I could make it upstairs this time.
     We played one step at a time, taking time-outs on each step. At the top of the stairs, excited by the possibility of my first win, I began to shuffle quickly toward the bed, accidentally kicking a cat. My arms were starting to fail, so the success of the game would depend these last few steps. I made it to the bed and dropped Satu on her side of the mattress. Her feet dangled off the side and she dropped into a heap as soon as I let her go. Out of breath, but feeling victorious, I scooped up her feet and tucked them under the covers. She didn't look comfortable, but she was also not injured this time. Inside I did a victory dance. It's not great, I thought, but it will do.
    I walked over to my side of the bed, climbed in and opened the book I had left on the night stand. I had barely read the first sentence before I became uncomfortable with the bedroom's silence so I sneaked a glance over at Satu. Sure enough, she was staring at me with the kind of astonished expression on her face that means I have fucked up." What?"I asked.
"It's not great, but it will do? IT WILL DO!??"
"Holy shit," I said "you heard that? You can hear me think?"
"No girl, you said that out loud," she said playing it totally deadpan.
I couldn't believe it, but it struck me as hilarious and both of us laughed until we were in pain. Now, every once in a while, to remind me to do my best, Satu will look at me and say "Meh. It's not great, but it will do."

  

Droid fire team ambushed

    This series was documented by Satu who has been embedded with the droids and joins them occasionally on their patrols. They were on a routine scouting mission in the front room province of the house. Usually droids scout in five robot teams, but two of the team members had been posted in the kitchen province to set up a firing position in the liquor cabinet and coordinate with the other teams to raid the Dramboui position.

     "The front room province is relitively calm compared to the living room area and the kitchen province, which is why we were so surprised to make contact here." said one of the "bucket type" droids after the attack. "That cat came out of nowhere" said another, " all teeth and claws and the color of a shark! It was terrifying."
    The cat separated one of the droids and attacked him with a fierce "batting and raking" technique known to be typical of the feline resistance in the region. The other two members of the team rallied and attacked with weapons of opportunity while beeping in an airstrike from beneath their fork. Unfortunately, the X-wing QRF was unable to respond since they were on station in the kitchen area where the Drambouie raid was heating up. "We were all alone, just us and that, that THING!" they recalled after the fight.
    "I knew I had to make a break, or I could end up on the floor, under a chair, or worse!" said the droid who had been raked and batted, "so I just launched myself as far as I could over and over until I was off the edge of the towel." Once he was clear of the towel, the other two droids covered him until he got all three legs beneath him. The three of them launched a fierce counter attack that lasted for two, or maybe even two and a half minutes. "I think that's why we were victorious;" said the droid's leader, "cats just don't have the stamena to fight long battles like that." Droids typically train to fight longer battles, often fighting in close combat for up to 5 minutes. "That's why the astromechs are the best, and will always be in charge of the TV remote!" remarked one of the junior logistics droids. Well said FND, well said.

Why cartoons

It's incredibly hard to find a picture of Satu online that you can be really sure is her. She is a creature of great mystery and prefers it that way like nessie or the chupacabra. It took me 34 years to find her in the wild, so to preserve her mystery, any picture containing her in this blog will be a cartoon.

The mystery sleeps with her loyal hound.