I'm not sure where Satu learned to work, but she does not do half-hearted, ever. She does honest, genuine, compassionate and dedicated and she does it at 100%. I'm not sure why this man has chosen to square off with her. Maybe it's because he has a micro-penis, maybe he grew up thinking that it gave him a more important place in the world. It doesn't. That guy has nothing on her. He's just a lazy, entitled dick that can't be challenged. He's talked himself into a cozy role there where he doesn't have to do anything and he's trying to defend it. It doesn't make him boss, it doesn't make him anything.
Here are some of the reasons that I know Satu is a good leader, role model and coach.
1.She has integrity. She doesn't stray from the right thing because it's easier. Managers do things right, leaders do the right things.
2. She knows you because she knows everyone. No one gets people like Satu. That's why I know this guy is seriously off. You know how if your nice dog doesn't like one person, that person is probably a child molester or just stole food stamps from the elderly? Satu's the nice dog if he was woke and didn't believe anyone's shit. She sees all your bull shit and blemishes and likes you anyway because you get to be human. You don't get to be Mel though. He's not welcome.
3. She keeps trying. Satu can go to work sad, come home sad and still made someone else's day better by saying the right thing, or just looking at you like you matter. She keeps the crushingness on the inside and offers the right words, a shoulder when you need it and inspiration when you feel low. Then she never asks for it in return.
4. She's brave. No one wants to have the hard talks, be the bad guy or take one for the team, so she always does it so you don't have to.
5. She doesn't turn off. She doesn't let the day end. It just rolls into the next day and she keeps doing the right thing.
6. She won't let someone snowball her. Satu has a well tuned bullshit detector and knows when you lie to her. She may let you do it, but she knows you threw the thing away, just admit it.
7. She's not wrong. Just because some ass hole doesn't like having a boss, doesn't make you bad at it. It makes you all the more necessary.
Keep doing it. Keep being honest, kind, brave and real. People take time, but the good ones want to be there for that, and the bad ones can go fuck themselves. He's not boss. Satu's boss.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Monday, May 14, 2018
How Satu handles stress and uncertainty
I often say that you can tell when Satu is upset because nothing about her changes, not a raised eyebrow or a sigh. There is definitely stress though. This month Satu got a promotion and is now the Manager of her store. I quit my job with out really having a plan and won't start work again until next week. We have basically been trying to keep eachother calm and distracted the whole month.
Satu is a champion. Even though it must have been scary for her, she encouraged me to quit because she doesn't think I should have to apologize for having opinions or doing what is right as a leader. She was fiery about that, which is to say that she talked sternly in her regular voice and displayed no other notable change in demeanor.
Here are some other Satu only reactions to the outside world:
If she disagrees or thinks she might disagree, she will either say "Huh." with a slight upward inflection or just a maybe and then change the subject.
When Satu is really upset, she usually just walks into the bathroom or bedroom and will not be seen until after she has put the heavy iron lid on that.
When Satu is delighted, she may just chuckle quietly, she may swallow that laughter letting out only a tiny, barely perceptible smile, or lately, she has been expressing it by playing cheesy 80's music.
If she feels lonely, she will watch a dreary British mystery and send me a text just to say "hi baby." I check my phone all the time for a little hello, and whenever I get one, even after 10 years, it makes my heart jump.
When Satu, is cold or hungry, well... she's always cold, but when she's hungry, she just forgets where she put things. She doesn't get cranky like most people. She just soldiers on and handles things.
Satu has a full, deep and varied emotional life, but she's private about it. It's not anyone's business anyway.
The one thing Satu is never secretive about is how much she loves me. Over the years, she has learned to stop and hug me and pat me and remind me that she loves me so that I never have to guess. I love her openly, and she loves me back with her arms open, a smile on her face and with every word that she speaks to me.
Satu is a champion. Even though it must have been scary for her, she encouraged me to quit because she doesn't think I should have to apologize for having opinions or doing what is right as a leader. She was fiery about that, which is to say that she talked sternly in her regular voice and displayed no other notable change in demeanor.
Here are some other Satu only reactions to the outside world:
If she disagrees or thinks she might disagree, she will either say "Huh." with a slight upward inflection or just a maybe and then change the subject.
When Satu is really upset, she usually just walks into the bathroom or bedroom and will not be seen until after she has put the heavy iron lid on that.
When Satu is delighted, she may just chuckle quietly, she may swallow that laughter letting out only a tiny, barely perceptible smile, or lately, she has been expressing it by playing cheesy 80's music.
If she feels lonely, she will watch a dreary British mystery and send me a text just to say "hi baby." I check my phone all the time for a little hello, and whenever I get one, even after 10 years, it makes my heart jump.
When Satu, is cold or hungry, well... she's always cold, but when she's hungry, she just forgets where she put things. She doesn't get cranky like most people. She just soldiers on and handles things.
Satu has a full, deep and varied emotional life, but she's private about it. It's not anyone's business anyway.
The one thing Satu is never secretive about is how much she loves me. Over the years, she has learned to stop and hug me and pat me and remind me that she loves me so that I never have to guess. I love her openly, and she loves me back with her arms open, a smile on her face and with every word that she speaks to me.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Disaster preparedness
Perhaps the reason that Satu watches ships sinking and planes crashing is that she is attracted to disaster. I am sure that is what keeps her with me. Everything I do is not quiiiiite right, not always wrong, but let's just say that any plan I ever make is open ended.
I break many of the things that we live with, jars full of q-tips, gone. Wine glasses, off the corner of the table, even the Christmas tree isn't safe, so it's not really a surprise that the get away weekend I planed for us last week didn't go the way we thought it would. We packed up our food and headed to the country to check into our cabin and make some dinner. Unfortunately the cabin was just a bedroom attached to a bathroom. It was more like a guest house without a kitchen. It was however, super warm inside which was great because I had told Satu that she wouldn't need heavy sweaters or coats since it was supposed to be in the 50s that weekend. When it started to snow, we curled up in bed with some cheese and crackers allowing the meatballs to be a casualty of my minus touch.
Sometimes being a disaster has some bright spots though because my beautiful wife is usually game enough to roll with the changing, unfolding, sinking or burning plan in real time. Because I had already failed several times that day, I took two of my "don't freak out pills" before bed. The last thing you need on a get away weekend is your wife having a panic attack and keeping you up all night. Just before I fell asleep, I saw a shadowy creature zoom across the table. Satu spent the rest of the night coaxing the mouse out so she could get a video or twelve of the cute little critter. It was not a restful night for Satu, but at least it was squeeky's fault, not mine.
The next day after making 2 pots of coffee in the tiniest coffee maker ever, we did go out and brave the cold to see some of the nearby reserves. Eventually we feeling to our hands and feet so we didn't know how cold we were. It was actually very fun for me. We kept a brisk pace on the hike because we wanted to see stuff, but didn't want to be outside for long, so we just tried to hike fast and see everything as quickly as possible.
One of the reasons that I know Satu really, really loves me is that she coaxes expressions out of me when she wants to take a picture. Not only do I never recognize anyone else's face (I can't tell Bil Murray from the Dos Equis guy), I never know what my face is doing. From people's feedback, I think I usually look like a total bitch, but then sometimes I look overly hopeful like maybe I'm about to be praised or get told that I did a good job breathing just then. When Satu wants to take a picture, she gets me to look at her which makes the hearts spring out of my eyes and relaxes my face. (you can tell it;s relaxed because I have 40% less wrinkles on my forehead.
Sometimes being a disaster has some bright spots though because my beautiful wife is usually game enough to roll with the changing, unfolding, sinking or burning plan in real time. Because I had already failed several times that day, I took two of my "don't freak out pills" before bed. The last thing you need on a get away weekend is your wife having a panic attack and keeping you up all night. Just before I fell asleep, I saw a shadowy creature zoom across the table. Satu spent the rest of the night coaxing the mouse out so she could get a video or twelve of the cute little critter. It was not a restful night for Satu, but at least it was squeeky's fault, not mine.
The next day after making 2 pots of coffee in the tiniest coffee maker ever, we did go out and brave the cold to see some of the nearby reserves. Eventually we feeling to our hands and feet so we didn't know how cold we were. It was actually very fun for me. We kept a brisk pace on the hike because we wanted to see stuff, but didn't want to be outside for long, so we just tried to hike fast and see everything as quickly as possible.
One of the reasons that I know Satu really, really loves me is that she coaxes expressions out of me when she wants to take a picture. Not only do I never recognize anyone else's face (I can't tell Bil Murray from the Dos Equis guy), I never know what my face is doing. From people's feedback, I think I usually look like a total bitch, but then sometimes I look overly hopeful like maybe I'm about to be praised or get told that I did a good job breathing just then. When Satu wants to take a picture, she gets me to look at her which makes the hearts spring out of my eyes and relaxes my face. (you can tell it;s relaxed because I have 40% less wrinkles on my forehead.
 |
| Worried look: Please love me. See I have a dog and giant, lovable thighs. |
 |
| Look, I'm smiling with 40% less old lady what the fuck over my eyes. Look. Look who loves me.That one. The pretty lady with the best smile in the world. She picked me, and she's taking a picture, and this sweater has a heart that she sewed inside it just for me... because she loves me. Fuck all yall, I've got the best wife ever.
Satu was a great sport about the whole weekend, even though the getaway wasn't wine-country luxury, it was really fun. I sometimes just want to be somewhere new to have new experiences with her. I want to have new mice and coffee pots in our lives sometimes. Yes, next time I will try to spring for a place with a kitchen, or a little more privacy, but if I happen to book us in a place with one room and a display of clown sculptures instead, there is no one in the world who could make that seem like heaven except Satu.
|
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
5 things in the real world that remind me of Satu
There are materials and objects that sometimes remind me of my wife. I know that she gets this concept perfectly because she will sometimes describe herself as a double-metal dog. All the loyalty of a dog with the permanence of a warm metal heart that burns like molten iron. Here are some of the other materials and things that remind me of Satu.
1. Sand
Sand is soft, but made out of the tiniest pieces of whatever is close in the world. On the beach, it's rocks, coral and seashells that warm in the sun. Only when you look closely do you see the small glittery pieces that flash as you walk. In the moonlight, the sand reflects the moon from you feet making your footsteps glow. That's how I feel being married to Satu, like every footstep is special in some way.
2. Cedar
Satu will tell you that wood hates her. It always hurts her and she usually has at least one splinter somewhere in her body at any time. She does love the smell of cedar though. It's spicy like her. It's a smell that is clean and complicated, beautiful and unmistakable.
3. Fire
I'm not sure if fire counts as a thing, but technically, mass and energy are interchangeable, so let's just go with it. You don't get too close when Satu is roaring because you will get burned. When she's cared for though, she warms up the whole house. Everyone wants to be near her.
4. Stone
Not giant mountain stone, round pleasing, unique, perfectly smoothed stone. She doesn't yell out from the landscape, but she does stand out. There will only ever be one person made exactly like her, with each historical layer smoothed over, buried into her and showing once in a while if you happen to look in exactly the right light.
5. Bone
Satu never pretends that she is marble, cotton, diamonds or coal. When she is bone, she will just be bone, but you have never thought of bone this way. You realize looking at her that your past understanding is incomplete. Yes, what you know about teeth and finger bones may be true, but you don't really know the half of it. She's living, growing, organic and strong. Not carved, not sealed, but in the world exactly as she is. She may peek out at you from a doorway and you feel as though you have gotten a glimpse at something wild and real.
Real like bone, layered like stone, wild and hot like fire, complex like cedar and soft and endless like sand. That's my wife.She is also everything else too. Everything in the world to me.
1. Sand
Sand is soft, but made out of the tiniest pieces of whatever is close in the world. On the beach, it's rocks, coral and seashells that warm in the sun. Only when you look closely do you see the small glittery pieces that flash as you walk. In the moonlight, the sand reflects the moon from you feet making your footsteps glow. That's how I feel being married to Satu, like every footstep is special in some way.
2. Cedar
Satu will tell you that wood hates her. It always hurts her and she usually has at least one splinter somewhere in her body at any time. She does love the smell of cedar though. It's spicy like her. It's a smell that is clean and complicated, beautiful and unmistakable.
3. Fire
I'm not sure if fire counts as a thing, but technically, mass and energy are interchangeable, so let's just go with it. You don't get too close when Satu is roaring because you will get burned. When she's cared for though, she warms up the whole house. Everyone wants to be near her.
4. Stone
Not giant mountain stone, round pleasing, unique, perfectly smoothed stone. She doesn't yell out from the landscape, but she does stand out. There will only ever be one person made exactly like her, with each historical layer smoothed over, buried into her and showing once in a while if you happen to look in exactly the right light.
5. Bone
Satu never pretends that she is marble, cotton, diamonds or coal. When she is bone, she will just be bone, but you have never thought of bone this way. You realize looking at her that your past understanding is incomplete. Yes, what you know about teeth and finger bones may be true, but you don't really know the half of it. She's living, growing, organic and strong. Not carved, not sealed, but in the world exactly as she is. She may peek out at you from a doorway and you feel as though you have gotten a glimpse at something wild and real.
Real like bone, layered like stone, wild and hot like fire, complex like cedar and soft and endless like sand. That's my wife.She is also everything else too. Everything in the world to me.
Saturday, February 10, 2018
Why being seen has changed my life
I am tired of seeing 20 somethings settle for terrible relationships and spend so much time on drama. I know that it's part of learning to be a grown up, but it's so embarrassing to be forced to remember all of the things I thought I knew about the world, all of the stubborn self-righteousness and self imposed isolation. How indulgent and privileged.
I think that I really didn't know that I deserved to be with someone who likes and accepts me until I met Satu. I would call many of my past relationships good, but I don't think I ever had arms that I could truly relax into. The real difference is that I feel seen for the first time.
I think people have a tenancy to reduce each other to a handful of traits, kind of a cartoon shell of a person, and then you don't really register anything that doesn't fit that picture. There's no connection there. It's like living with books, you may find them enlightening, deep or meaningful, but there are limits to the interaction. You are still just a person living alone with books.
With Satu, I love that we keep learning and exploring the world together. She doesn't reduce me to a manageable thing that can fit into her life, she lives her life with me exactly the way I am. I feel like a real, full person for the first time and not just a full person on the inside and a cartoon on the outside. I feel known. I feel valuable and special and understood.
Having Satu know me and knowing her makes me feel solid in the world. I don't care as much about the rejection I might face out there, because I can come home to someone who loves me. I will still be someone.
For me, this feeling is a re-birth. Satu is more curious to me than I think I am to her. She knows my thoughts before I say anything most of the time, but I feel like she is a constant mystery. Even so, I see her more deeply than I have seen anyone before. I see her complexity and her flashes of stormy emotion beneath the calm water. I see her worry and uncertainty along with her deeply grounded confidence and intelligence. I may never know what to expect, but I am paying attention.
This relationship feels electric. Even after ten years, hearing her voice makes me want to learn more. Tell me stories. Tell me about you. Think of the adventures we can have together.
I still can't believe sometimes that I am so lucky that I get to be with her. Out of everyone in the world, she chose to marry me. It wasn't about strategy or reason, she really loves me in a way that makes her molecules move wrong when I'm not around to break her wine glasses or drop a tablet on her in the middle of the night while trying to show her kittens. My molecules get sore when I don't see her. Everything slows down and loses color.
It's that color that I am seeing now in the world for the first time since I met her. Everything in my life feels richer, deeper and more real.
I love you Satu. Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for letting yourself be seen.
I think that I really didn't know that I deserved to be with someone who likes and accepts me until I met Satu. I would call many of my past relationships good, but I don't think I ever had arms that I could truly relax into. The real difference is that I feel seen for the first time.
I think people have a tenancy to reduce each other to a handful of traits, kind of a cartoon shell of a person, and then you don't really register anything that doesn't fit that picture. There's no connection there. It's like living with books, you may find them enlightening, deep or meaningful, but there are limits to the interaction. You are still just a person living alone with books.
With Satu, I love that we keep learning and exploring the world together. She doesn't reduce me to a manageable thing that can fit into her life, she lives her life with me exactly the way I am. I feel like a real, full person for the first time and not just a full person on the inside and a cartoon on the outside. I feel known. I feel valuable and special and understood.
Having Satu know me and knowing her makes me feel solid in the world. I don't care as much about the rejection I might face out there, because I can come home to someone who loves me. I will still be someone.
For me, this feeling is a re-birth. Satu is more curious to me than I think I am to her. She knows my thoughts before I say anything most of the time, but I feel like she is a constant mystery. Even so, I see her more deeply than I have seen anyone before. I see her complexity and her flashes of stormy emotion beneath the calm water. I see her worry and uncertainty along with her deeply grounded confidence and intelligence. I may never know what to expect, but I am paying attention.
This relationship feels electric. Even after ten years, hearing her voice makes me want to learn more. Tell me stories. Tell me about you. Think of the adventures we can have together.
I still can't believe sometimes that I am so lucky that I get to be with her. Out of everyone in the world, she chose to marry me. It wasn't about strategy or reason, she really loves me in a way that makes her molecules move wrong when I'm not around to break her wine glasses or drop a tablet on her in the middle of the night while trying to show her kittens. My molecules get sore when I don't see her. Everything slows down and loses color.
It's that color that I am seeing now in the world for the first time since I met her. Everything in my life feels richer, deeper and more real.
I love you Satu. Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for letting yourself be seen.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Who were you in a past life?
Satu is so unique and such a blessing in my life, that I have found myself lately wondering how all of that wonderfulness could have gotten into one person? One person who is so perfect for me that I sometimes want to wake her up in the middle of the night just to see what wonderful thing she does. Would she be mad? That's terrifying, but amazing. Would she do that sleepy mumbling sigh that she does? I know she hates it, but it melts my heart. Maybe she would just turn over exposing the hotter side of her lava rock (her body temperature is always near plasma when she sleeps.)
What could Satu have been in a past life that could lead to all that muchness in one tiny body?
1. Cat. (obviously)
Satu was probably a cat in several past lives. When you think about how many cats there are in the world and how all of them get nine lives each, statistically speaking we have all probably been a cat at one time or another, but Satu, she probably absorbed the essence of cat by being several varieties of them.
a. She stalks things quietly. Yesterday she stalked me and then slowly retreated into another room. When I came out to check things out, she just slunk noiselessly away and hunkered down.
b. She keeps her emotions to herself and doesn't make sudden unpredictable moves. When she is scared, she seems the same as when she is elated. You have to learn her to know her.
c. She is patient. Satu will wait out a Christian radio play to the end just because she heard the first full line. It doesn't matter how much Jesus appears to the little boy or old man ( I don't think there are any Christian plays with women as main characters.) She sits the way a cat will sit and stare down an empty hallway until the end just to see what happens.
d. If you let her come to you, she will love you unconditionally. She knows when you need a warm body next to you and a quiet companion. She knows everything about you in fact. She has been observing the whole time.
2. A farmer
a. She is good with her hands and will devote her body to completing any task that she starts, even if it means suffering to yield a small crop. Satu has more than one story in her life about having to write with two hands or drag her left foot behind her. She doesn't ever, ever, ever give up once she has chosen to do something.
b. She's pragmatic and loyal. I imagine her talking to chickens like good friends and still being able to keep the farm in balance, making tough decisions when necessary. She's calm under pressure and doesn't shy away from what is right just because it is often harder.
c. She knows things, but they don't define her. She can make a home wherever she is and be content with what her work yields.
3. A princess or queen.
a. Right, right, I know everyone says they were probably someone extra ordinary in a past life. No one ever thinks they might have been a rice farmer (more on that next.) However, if I have ever known anyone who has the presence and poise of a queen, it's my beloved.
b. She already has a British accent, but you will never hear it unless we are watching "The Great Brittish Bake off" or some slow moving British procedural. (Satu taught me that that is what formulaic, episodic crime TV is called.)
c. She not only knows what fork to use and which plates are for decoration, but she is powerful and confident enough to eschew all of those fussy rules if you don't.
d. People seek her out. Just meeting her eyes with yours could cause your heart to stop altogether.
e. Is this a good time to confess that I have no idea what color her eyes are? I know what they look like, but... here's the problem, they aren't a color. They are a lot of colors. Also it doesn't help that my heart stops when she looks at me aaaaaaand my color identification system has been mis-loaded since birth.
4. A rice farmer.
a. Satu thinks she may have been a rice farmer in a past life. See all of the above stuff about farmers and add "unassuming and very, very patient."
b. No matter who she was, she probably had one of those pointy round rice farmer hats. She looks good in all hats, so I can't imagine any scenario in which past lives exist and Satu didn't have one of those hats in at least one life.
c. What can you say about this life except that it is really easy to imagine her speaking to all of the water birds, the fish and all lizards and snakes while she is at work. I mean, the reason this blog is about a failed Disney princess is because she speaks fluent animal.
5. A house.
a. Satu was definitely a house at some time in her past lives. If you think homes aren't alive, think again. They have a personality, style, charm and a mind of their own. Not only do you live in your home, it lives with you.
b. She had beautiful windows, but has a strained relationship with daylight. All of her windows opened to the moon and reflected the stars. She probably had ivy protecting her from the day light. Come to think of it, she was probably built someplace dreary, but provided a warm hearth for her family. I am sure it rained alot.
c. She was made of stone. It is strong, but keeps the heat in if you know how to build a fire in the heart of the home.
d. She protects the family at all cost."It doesn't matter what is going on outside, never you mind. Come. Sit by the fire, tell stories, laugh, I will protect you." she says.
6. Air.
Satu is and always has been essential to life. I didn't know it until we met, but she is what I need to be alive in this world. She carries the whispers of lovers on her breath, she fills you and keeps you afloat in stormy seas. She's infinite and dangerous and necessary. She's not blue in the day, or black at night, but she allows you to experience both. She's weightless and everywhere.
7. Satu
There is the possibility that Satu is as she always has been, complicated, flawed and perfect. One of the most obvious things about her is that she knows herself. It is easy to imagine her in other forms, but it is hard to imagine her without the essence of who she is. She doesn't totter between two poles, she is one or the other. She doesn't do things that are unlike her. She would never be a Siamese cat, a soy farmer or an unhappy home. She's the only her in the world. My home, my queen, my air. I love you.
What could Satu have been in a past life that could lead to all that muchness in one tiny body?
1. Cat. (obviously)
Satu was probably a cat in several past lives. When you think about how many cats there are in the world and how all of them get nine lives each, statistically speaking we have all probably been a cat at one time or another, but Satu, she probably absorbed the essence of cat by being several varieties of them.
a. She stalks things quietly. Yesterday she stalked me and then slowly retreated into another room. When I came out to check things out, she just slunk noiselessly away and hunkered down.
b. She keeps her emotions to herself and doesn't make sudden unpredictable moves. When she is scared, she seems the same as when she is elated. You have to learn her to know her.
c. She is patient. Satu will wait out a Christian radio play to the end just because she heard the first full line. It doesn't matter how much Jesus appears to the little boy or old man ( I don't think there are any Christian plays with women as main characters.) She sits the way a cat will sit and stare down an empty hallway until the end just to see what happens.
d. If you let her come to you, she will love you unconditionally. She knows when you need a warm body next to you and a quiet companion. She knows everything about you in fact. She has been observing the whole time.
2. A farmer
a. She is good with her hands and will devote her body to completing any task that she starts, even if it means suffering to yield a small crop. Satu has more than one story in her life about having to write with two hands or drag her left foot behind her. She doesn't ever, ever, ever give up once she has chosen to do something.
b. She's pragmatic and loyal. I imagine her talking to chickens like good friends and still being able to keep the farm in balance, making tough decisions when necessary. She's calm under pressure and doesn't shy away from what is right just because it is often harder.
c. She knows things, but they don't define her. She can make a home wherever she is and be content with what her work yields.
3. A princess or queen.
a. Right, right, I know everyone says they were probably someone extra ordinary in a past life. No one ever thinks they might have been a rice farmer (more on that next.) However, if I have ever known anyone who has the presence and poise of a queen, it's my beloved.
b. She already has a British accent, but you will never hear it unless we are watching "The Great Brittish Bake off" or some slow moving British procedural. (Satu taught me that that is what formulaic, episodic crime TV is called.)
c. She not only knows what fork to use and which plates are for decoration, but she is powerful and confident enough to eschew all of those fussy rules if you don't.
d. People seek her out. Just meeting her eyes with yours could cause your heart to stop altogether.
e. Is this a good time to confess that I have no idea what color her eyes are? I know what they look like, but... here's the problem, they aren't a color. They are a lot of colors. Also it doesn't help that my heart stops when she looks at me aaaaaaand my color identification system has been mis-loaded since birth.
4. A rice farmer.
a. Satu thinks she may have been a rice farmer in a past life. See all of the above stuff about farmers and add "unassuming and very, very patient."
b. No matter who she was, she probably had one of those pointy round rice farmer hats. She looks good in all hats, so I can't imagine any scenario in which past lives exist and Satu didn't have one of those hats in at least one life.
c. What can you say about this life except that it is really easy to imagine her speaking to all of the water birds, the fish and all lizards and snakes while she is at work. I mean, the reason this blog is about a failed Disney princess is because she speaks fluent animal.
5. A house.
a. Satu was definitely a house at some time in her past lives. If you think homes aren't alive, think again. They have a personality, style, charm and a mind of their own. Not only do you live in your home, it lives with you.
b. She had beautiful windows, but has a strained relationship with daylight. All of her windows opened to the moon and reflected the stars. She probably had ivy protecting her from the day light. Come to think of it, she was probably built someplace dreary, but provided a warm hearth for her family. I am sure it rained alot.
c. She was made of stone. It is strong, but keeps the heat in if you know how to build a fire in the heart of the home.
d. She protects the family at all cost."It doesn't matter what is going on outside, never you mind. Come. Sit by the fire, tell stories, laugh, I will protect you." she says.
6. Air.
Satu is and always has been essential to life. I didn't know it until we met, but she is what I need to be alive in this world. She carries the whispers of lovers on her breath, she fills you and keeps you afloat in stormy seas. She's infinite and dangerous and necessary. She's not blue in the day, or black at night, but she allows you to experience both. She's weightless and everywhere.
7. Satu
There is the possibility that Satu is as she always has been, complicated, flawed and perfect. One of the most obvious things about her is that she knows herself. It is easy to imagine her in other forms, but it is hard to imagine her without the essence of who she is. She doesn't totter between two poles, she is one or the other. She doesn't do things that are unlike her. She would never be a Siamese cat, a soy farmer or an unhappy home. She's the only her in the world. My home, my queen, my air. I love you.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Three Wise Squirrels
Why do fabled things often come in three? Three blind mice, three little pigs, three kings and three wise squirrels. Believe in them, they are real and they mark the Christmas season in our home since Satu and I have started sharing Christmas together 10 years ago. Like most of the fun, quirky things here, they were characters in my wife's story before I was, but now we are in the same story, so they are mine too.
These three wise squirrels hold gold, frankincense and myrrh. Two of those things are supposed to smell good I think, but after these years, they are kind of blankincense and mehh. When the squirrels come out, so does the whole gang.
There are two handmade cloth wise men who don't have gifts, but I like their sense of humor. During the Christmas season you can hear them on the sideboard table drinking bourbon late into the night after we've gone to bed and laughing about what the third wise man is probably up to. They tell tall tales about their escapades with the dolls and daring escapes from the cat. They think their friend probably followed the wrong star and ended up at some beach singing country songs by the water.
There are several herds of reindeer also. There is a silver heard, a black heard and a wooden and cloth heard. Oh, they manage to pose in threes during the day, but those guys leap and graze when no one is around. There is one that can't quite pull off the pose, he looks a little gimpy and drunk all the time, but he's the life of the herd every night. The cat and dog won't get off the bed once we retire for the evening because you never know where you are going to find the rowdy band of wildlife. Prey animals they are not, more like a bunch of wild teenagers. Did you know that all of the reindeer have motorcycles and spend their nights looking for the droid hang outs? Thankfully those droids are pretty quiet about their meeting places. If it weren't for the two llama always bailing them out of trouble, the whole lot of them would probably be in the petting zoo by now.
Satu and I always have some version of a tree, we both like the light that gives everything a little extra color this time of year. She puts out candy canes and icicles and sparkly things. She lights candles and hangs bells and sings to herself and to me. The deer over the fireplace gets some decoration too and so does the dog sometimes.
This home is happy all year, but especially happy with the magic of Christmas lights and fresh snow on the ground.
My beautiful wife is the spirit that keeps everything here magic. I realized today as she carefully packed up the rowdy deer and the two wise men and the squirrels that she is really the source of light in this house. I can't imagine a better story than the one she and I share. It may not be told by generations of people, but it is all that matters to me in my little life. Two little ladies, an old bug eyed dog, a hairy cat, a band of reindeer and llama, three wise squirrels, two wise men and a partridge in a pear tree.
These three wise squirrels hold gold, frankincense and myrrh. Two of those things are supposed to smell good I think, but after these years, they are kind of blankincense and mehh. When the squirrels come out, so does the whole gang.
There are two handmade cloth wise men who don't have gifts, but I like their sense of humor. During the Christmas season you can hear them on the sideboard table drinking bourbon late into the night after we've gone to bed and laughing about what the third wise man is probably up to. They tell tall tales about their escapades with the dolls and daring escapes from the cat. They think their friend probably followed the wrong star and ended up at some beach singing country songs by the water.
There are several herds of reindeer also. There is a silver heard, a black heard and a wooden and cloth heard. Oh, they manage to pose in threes during the day, but those guys leap and graze when no one is around. There is one that can't quite pull off the pose, he looks a little gimpy and drunk all the time, but he's the life of the herd every night. The cat and dog won't get off the bed once we retire for the evening because you never know where you are going to find the rowdy band of wildlife. Prey animals they are not, more like a bunch of wild teenagers. Did you know that all of the reindeer have motorcycles and spend their nights looking for the droid hang outs? Thankfully those droids are pretty quiet about their meeting places. If it weren't for the two llama always bailing them out of trouble, the whole lot of them would probably be in the petting zoo by now.
Satu and I always have some version of a tree, we both like the light that gives everything a little extra color this time of year. She puts out candy canes and icicles and sparkly things. She lights candles and hangs bells and sings to herself and to me. The deer over the fireplace gets some decoration too and so does the dog sometimes.
This home is happy all year, but especially happy with the magic of Christmas lights and fresh snow on the ground.
My beautiful wife is the spirit that keeps everything here magic. I realized today as she carefully packed up the rowdy deer and the two wise men and the squirrels that she is really the source of light in this house. I can't imagine a better story than the one she and I share. It may not be told by generations of people, but it is all that matters to me in my little life. Two little ladies, an old bug eyed dog, a hairy cat, a band of reindeer and llama, three wise squirrels, two wise men and a partridge in a pear tree.
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