Inside Rocks- and Uncle Rick

 Uncle Rick passed away this week. Though I am sure without a doubt that he had a good heart, his life had become very small and tragic. That made his death, though shocking, less tragic by comparison. 

To keep our animal selves in the present moment, we try to never think of life as finite. It is after all, everything we know. So, while Rick's passing may bring quieter days for the family, Satu is in Indiana with her Aunt Mary sitting with the discomforting feeling of a life disappearing from the world we know.

When she returns, she will surely bring home rocks. We have inside rocks and outside rocks at our home. Most of them have come from the land in Indiana.  

Inside rocks and other infinite things

Satu is fascinated by many objects and shapes, but unlike pipes, lightsabers, desiccants or writing utensils (etc.) she expresses more than curiosity about them. She told me once that they each have a spirit, so her connection to them is more than with simple objects. 

I wonder if she finds something comforting in this idea of a different kind of spirit without body and without knowledge. I think I may understand that a little. She chooses the best rocks from the pile. Not necessarily the friendliest ones, or the convenient ones, usually, not even easy ones (she has been known to operate heavy machinery to bring one home.) She brings the ones that speak to her. 

Things that used to be (actually) alive, but remind her of rocks and were, therefore, among the 4 pictures she took on our last trip together.

I find something comforting about thinking of rocks slowly changing form over the years, but maintaining their essence. Holding one of the round ones she brought home does make me feel connected to the earth in some small way, calmed by the thought of something that will be the same years after I am gone. I am generally not woo-woo about connection to the world and trying to understand some abstract purpose in our existence, but holding a rock can bring out the woo-woo a little.

Outside rocks with finite things

2023 is coming to a close. This year we have seen a lot of life ending, and not a lot of springtime. I hope that if this new year brings more rain, it will show new colors without changing the shape of us too much. like the garden rocks that brighten when they are wet. 

Resurrection of the Disney Princess

 

Let's wake this blog back up.

Is it just me, or is the prince giving soft butch energy?

It probably seems to you that if I don't naturally think of this blog often, I don't value the time that writing gives me to reflect on us. That's not at all true for me, it's just a matter of bringing back to the front of my mind what I meant to do. It's a "why did I walk in the room" sort of thing. 

I am bringing this practice back, because for me, this is a way to slow down and re-connect with our real lives. Our shared time is what brings me the most joy in life, and our connection is the thing in my heart that makes me feel like everything else is possible and alive.  

I am adding dedicated time to the week so that I can make sure this isn't something that I let slip my mind, because I think it's good for both of us, and it's a way for me to express myself in your love language, rather than the body language that is mine. 

I also don't want to send you this and then run the risk of disappointing you by forgetting to set aside some time to get into my head. 

Since It's been a long while since I posted, I have missed capturing a lot things in our lives. Should I not know what to write on any given week, here is a list of things since the last post that I want to reflect on. Some are just normal life things, some are shared things, and some are just ideas I've had on a going list in my mind.

Since my last post in 2021, here are some things:

1. How Covid felt in our family
2. The ven diagram of Satu and Kay
3. The ways that you are also mushy on the inside
4. The passing of your sister and ghosts
5. How you kept me sane when I changed jobs.
6. Flowers- don't forget flowers
7. Christmas lights and our annual date- how you narrate the drive for me
8. Your disability (passenger side aversion)
9. The geriatric ward and your quiet- librarian voice.
10. Nick and Cat leaving
11. Finding friends outside of us
12. pipes? do your favorite shapes show up elsewhere?
13. Laying the bathroom floor together and how we approach projects together
14. deep cookies
15. What music adds to my life and how it makes me feel about you when I am thinking
16. short kisses and long kisses
17. badminton

These are some topics to draw on when I have trouble settling my mind. 

I'm sorry I let this blog go before, it's always been important for us to take some time to just be us. I hope bringing this back will keep me more present and let you know that I am seeing you and I do understand some things about your deeply mysterious brain, life and heart.