Gimmie just farted audibly next to me on the couch. Our day started last night when yesterday became today and we were not sleeping. Every few minutes Satu and I had to either get up and let him out or fret over him, or just wake up to pet him and make sure he seemed okay. We spent the morning at the emergency vet where they found no reason that his butt faucet has been on blast for three days.
From the vet, Satu left for physical therapy and then straight to the corporate office where she was called in by the company president. Then from there to go fire two people, deal with the cops and manage an unending wave of asshole customers.
I know there is nothing that I can say to her that will wash away all this stress. Being a manager sucks, it is almost 100% soft skills which leaves you open to constant insecurity and drama. You are distrusted by the people that you spend all of your time trying to support and you will never know when you've done the right thing. You just never know. Everyone will have an opinion about what they would do, but sometimes you just have shitty choices and all you can really do is wish people had just not fucked up in the first place.
Sometimes you have to save yourself and limit how much of your sweat, tears and time you can give to a place because any place in the world will drain you if you pour everything you have into it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Hopefully the dog will have a solid poo and you won't have to fire anyone.
Satu,
I love you for being the kind of person who will spend the night at the vet with me and still face the shittiest day in the world. The 100% you gave that place is enough. Come home to us and be where you truly belong, are loved and seen.
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Saturday, May 4, 2019
I don't know how to spell lingerie
I had to google it, and I still got it wrong twice in the title, but like porn, I know it when I see it.
This is go to lesbian sleepwear. It's not the kind of thing you usually see in glossy magazines, it's definitely better (I also don't know how to spell definitely, thank you spell check.) The thing is, I feel as though I am the luckiest person in the world. My wife is beautiful and she's real. She's funny and sexy at the same time. She rocks a tank top, so the only thing that would actually make this outfit more sexy to me is if she was also in a tank top.
My wife worries all the time about everything, but often lately, she worries about her body. I totally don't get this at all because she has a healthy, beautiful, strong, perfect body. She is a force of nature in that thing. She can summon the power of the world in her strong hands and use them so carefully to show me the kindest, most real love in the world.
I especially love her beautiful square feet. They seem impossible to me since I've walked on my giant misshapen flippers my whole life, yet there they are planted firmly wherever she stands or sometimes both aloft at the same time chasing after the cat.
Then there are her legs, which grow the finest, softest hair and usually have some mysterious bruises on them. You can not imagine how fast she walks on those things. She walks with purpose because she has fire inside her body.
Her arms are small, but deceptively long and strong. I love to be wrapped tightly against her chest and smell her smells. It's instantly calming to me. I can't wait for her to come home and just hold me against her chest or her cheek.
I also like to watch her show love to our animals (even though it makes me jealous sometimes.) When I pet Gimmie, I want him to know that I love him, but mostly it's because I get to feel love and to be connected in a way that soothes me. When I watch Satu pet him or the cat, I can tell she is being careful to pet them the way they want to be loved. She wants them to feel loved and will pet them when it is boring for her or when she thinks they need to feel more connected. I know she shares her body with me that way too. I don't think she feels as comforted by a hug as I do, yet she still makes time to put herself in there for me. That perfect, beautiful body is not really the point at all. It's amazing, but mostly because of the way she drives it.
I think of all people as trapped inside a body that is mainly just a shell, yet you are never in the moment without also being in your body. I have been in a love hate relationship with mine my whole life feeling shame about what people might think of the body that I drive. As I get older and softer, I try to remember that I am not this shell. Yes, I'll try to make the most of it, I want it to be clean, healthy and as attractive as it can be for my wife, but I'm more. Everyone is more than the body. We are all more than we seem.
To me, Satu is her body, but she is so much more. She's all of her. I wish she loved everything about her as much as I do. As we get older together, we will weather, but her hands are the only ones I want to hold. Her square feet are the only ones I want to rub (but not right now okay?) Her shoulder is the only place I want to rest my head when I need comfort, and her voice is the only one in the world that makes my heart jump like that. What a perfect thing.
My wife worries all the time about everything, but often lately, she worries about her body. I totally don't get this at all because she has a healthy, beautiful, strong, perfect body. She is a force of nature in that thing. She can summon the power of the world in her strong hands and use them so carefully to show me the kindest, most real love in the world.
I especially love her beautiful square feet. They seem impossible to me since I've walked on my giant misshapen flippers my whole life, yet there they are planted firmly wherever she stands or sometimes both aloft at the same time chasing after the cat.
Then there are her legs, which grow the finest, softest hair and usually have some mysterious bruises on them. You can not imagine how fast she walks on those things. She walks with purpose because she has fire inside her body.
Her arms are small, but deceptively long and strong. I love to be wrapped tightly against her chest and smell her smells. It's instantly calming to me. I can't wait for her to come home and just hold me against her chest or her cheek.
I also like to watch her show love to our animals (even though it makes me jealous sometimes.) When I pet Gimmie, I want him to know that I love him, but mostly it's because I get to feel love and to be connected in a way that soothes me. When I watch Satu pet him or the cat, I can tell she is being careful to pet them the way they want to be loved. She wants them to feel loved and will pet them when it is boring for her or when she thinks they need to feel more connected. I know she shares her body with me that way too. I don't think she feels as comforted by a hug as I do, yet she still makes time to put herself in there for me. That perfect, beautiful body is not really the point at all. It's amazing, but mostly because of the way she drives it.
I think of all people as trapped inside a body that is mainly just a shell, yet you are never in the moment without also being in your body. I have been in a love hate relationship with mine my whole life feeling shame about what people might think of the body that I drive. As I get older and softer, I try to remember that I am not this shell. Yes, I'll try to make the most of it, I want it to be clean, healthy and as attractive as it can be for my wife, but I'm more. Everyone is more than the body. We are all more than we seem.
To me, Satu is her body, but she is so much more. She's all of her. I wish she loved everything about her as much as I do. As we get older together, we will weather, but her hands are the only ones I want to hold. Her square feet are the only ones I want to rub (but not right now okay?) Her shoulder is the only place I want to rest my head when I need comfort, and her voice is the only one in the world that makes my heart jump like that. What a perfect thing.
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