I know how sadness gets to the surface

Honey, I have seen you struggling with sadness as long as I have really known you. At first you would never know it's there because you are also so full of happiness at times too. You are curious, fiery and strong, but there has always been an undertow somewhere in there.
Times like tonight when the current runs along the surface, it doesn't ever surprise me, but I wish I could give you the gift of knowing what you really mean to the world. You are the kind of person who makes a place for everyone in your little store. The people who work for you and who see you work are hopefully learning by your example how to treat each other with kindness, how to take pride in a hard, physical, yet seemingly small job well done.
I often wonder if you haven't followed your passion all along, since you are a curious and proud person who looks for the right thing to do in any circumstance. Why is it that the wins never stay with you, but the losses churn over and over bobbing in the current?
Could you have been a professor or a more famous artist? Certainly, yes, but then you would still feel the fall tiptoeing into you just like it is now. You would feel isolated at times, but you do hide from the world. These rainy days make me feel hollow on the inside too. My old black dog is different from yours though. My sadness has always been about letting the chance to be really loved and seen slip away from me. All it takes to bring me peace is the light of your smile or the sound of your voice.
Your sadness is deeper in your heart. It is the loss of connection when it should be all around you. I am sure it moved in when you were a child and has just never left you because of the coldness and betrayal that taught you how to feel alone even when you are not. Even when people love and care for you, you worry that they don't know you or the connection isn't real. I can tell from watching people react to you that they feel drawn toward you and connected, even when you feel guarded and alone. Maybe your purpose is no more than to just be in the world and be you.
Complicated, smart, funny, loving, wonderful and sad you.
It's raining, Kevin is dying, your Mother is sad and selfish, winter is on the way and everything is still fine. The tide will go out and in tomorrow, the sun will rise and the dog will be between us. The sadness will ease and laughter will overshadow it some too.
Please don't let the undertow drag at you and make you question who you are and how you got here. Here is a good place to be, and it's a fine place to start from whatever you decide to do tomorrow.

Animal whisperer

We have a house that is always full of the sounds of purring, tail thumping and the very sloppy mouth sounds of animal cleaning rituals. My wife can talk to any kind of animal.Often they talk back.

We miss you Josie

Thursday, when we came home and let the dog out, he immediately started barking and digging at the corner of the yard near my work bench. He usually goes after anything in his territory and patrols for intruders every time we let him out, but this was different than his squirrel and chipmunk bark.
Satu snuck up on the corner while I carried my squirming, obsessed dog into the house. At first, we saw nothing, but then spotted a little patch of fur under the legs of the sawhoarse. Then a little pink nose appeared.
My sister hate opossums, so does my neighbor. In fact, these little coarse haired rats seem to be on a lot of people's no-go list, but not my sweet Disney princess. She dispatched me for cookies immediately.

We always try to feed the animals. We have fed sandwiches to raccoons, nuts to squirrels, turkey to hawks, and released a stunned mouse from the birdfood bin, but this was our first time feeding Jamaican biscuits and animal cookies to a possum. He of course played dead while my wife clicked and chatted at it. I think my favorite part was when she shone the flash light in my face to show the little guy what I looked like. Presumably, that was supposed to calm him down, as if I was not a giant, scary human thing and if he could see me, he might re-animate. 

We tossed him some cookies and he didn't react, then after a little more chirping and cooing, we backed away. Satu couldn't stay away though and went back for another peek. This time the little guy was forced to play dead with an animal cookie in his toothy little smile.

My wife seems to know and understand every person and animal she meets. She's endlessly curious and doesn't judge someone on whether they have a pink rat tail or a mat leaves stuck to their butt fur. She sees every potential interaction as an opportunity to cross boundaries and show the other species in the world that some humans are kind, curious, careful and willing to share their stale treats. 

I for one am very glad to live with her and share my stale treats with a woman who will imitate a raccoon and have long conversations with the cat. I like that she extends kindness to little animals that are scared and might have rabies or might be our new backyard neighbors living next to the woodpile. It's a pretty happy little den to be a part of.