47 years

Satu has been on this planet of ours for almost 47 years. I often like to think of what it would be like if I had known her for all of them. I feel lucky to have known her for almost 10 years, but I feel like I missed 37 possible years of laughing and knowing her. Satu is my best friend. The sound I love most is the sound of her laughter, but the little animal noises that she makes when she is just satisfied are a close second.
 I feel like my 12 year old self  when I am with her. When you are young, all your dreams about a future life are really simple. You never imagine drama or mixed feelings, just your happy home and good times. I feel like that is what my real life with Satu is like. I am living a 12 year old fantasy with an amazingly hot wife. We have breakfast together and cuddle up at night. Mostly we laugh and just can't get enough of each other. If I had known Satu when she was 15, we would have talked about fantasy books and probably scooped up frogs in a net. We would have ignored the world and talked on our incredibly heavy phones with twenty foot cords.

If I had met Satu when I went to college at 17 she would have been my instant crush. I would have listened to all of the bands that she liked while thinking about her. I would have spent my morning jogs convincing myself that I was exercising to be confident and pretty for all of the making out I would be doing in my mind. I would be practicing conversations about her and trying on all of my hats before finally just going back to the Indiana Jones one which is the only one I liked. I imagine that she appeared perfect in any situation. Bam! Grocery store at 2 am drop dead gorgeous in a sweat shirt with messy hair. Could she be on the next aisle? What if I run into her on the quad? She's probably really busy and would only make eye contact for a second, but in that second, she would fall in love with me.

If I met Satu when we were in our early twenties, all of our friends would have been part of setting us up. There would be elaborately fought get-togethers. She would be the life of the party and I would probably just be someone's roommate, but for one night, the best of my life, I would join the party and feel like I turned the page in my life.

If I had met Satu in my late twenties, I would be a little more calm, but feeling lost about where I fit into the world. We would talk all night long and reflect on the long stretches of life behind us while feeling that what we do now determines all that lies before us.

If I had met Satu before I joined the Marine Corps, I would have sworn loyalty to her ahead of my country. Would I have gone to war? Could I have, knowing that my true purpose was not to sacrifice my life or to risk it, but to live it with her?

What are the next 47 years going to be like? I feel like I am living all of my earlier fantasy lives at once with the woman of my dreams. There can not be a better life than this, and yet my own life with Satu gets better and better. Every day that we wake up together, I feel like I found peace and purpose in my life. I don't care at all if we end up being ignored by kids as we slowly walk up the beach in our eighties. I don't care if we drink cheap coffee and wear flower prints in our 90s. Every second that I get to spend in love with Satu is a second I spent feeling like my full self.