It is always hard to turn the page on a part of your life that you thought was meaningful Even if the story isn't always happy, it's your story at the time and it feels wrong to just start writing something else when you know the characters and settings so well.
Satu is starting a new job on Monday where I work. It is a huge unknown. Will she like it? Will she be happy? Of course she can do it, she works harder than anyone I know and she will always give her best effort (thus the nickname.)
For selfish reasons I want to work on the same schedule with her. I think it will help me feel like we are more like a pair than a relay team, but I also want a foothold where I can talk about my work with her. Right now, the characters have to be built and backgrounds have to be given if I want to talk about that part of my life. It's a weird place and sometimes the little social happenings are just seeds that never find ground.
More than anything, I want Satu to feel proud of herself. From my perspective, there are two things wrong with the job that she is leaving. 1. people shit on her emotions all the time. 2. She already knows all of the answers, so the challenges may be daily, but there is no figuring out for her to do.
Satu has a brain that likes to solve problems. I think she will be happier in a more complex environment. Anyway, I hope she will.
You never can really know what's after the chapter that you are currently writing, but I do know that with Satu, we are safer, better and stronger than we would be alone.
My life and the choices that I make have meaning that would disappear instantly if Satu were not here. I believe strongly, and I always have, that the only real thing that matters in life is your love for others. Without that passion, why do anything? Even if you do good for strangers, it is out of some love for them. Some sense of sameness.
I think Satu will find meaning in her new, weird job with all of its characters. I think that she will find someone to share a sandwich with and give nicknames to. If there is laughter in a place, even if there is yelling too, there is a spark that makes it worthwhile.
In our home, there is always laughter. Though I care more about what goes on here than anywhere else in the world, you have to have healthy interactions at work or outside of your home in order to bring them back to the nest.
Overall, I hope Satu will find that kind of opportunity as she starts this new story, and I am excited to be more a part of it.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
The map room
Satu and I have an unusual home. It's unusual because both she and I are unusual people and we magnify each other rather than cast shadows. We shine our strange lights into each other's corners and discover what hidden worlds dwell there. I think that curious people always love maps and the artifacts of work that is beyond their own personal knowledge. I am pretty sure that is why we have a map room.
Most people who live in a two bedroom apartment would prefer a guest room, or an office, but we prefer worlds in our world.
The room is like us. It's happy. There are a lot of things that don't seem to belong, but actually do belong. Old tools. A doll that lives in a box, oars and artifacts.
With Satu, nothing ever seems out of place. There is no corner that she won't shine light into and look un-blinking with curiosity, amazement and openness. I think if I am completely honest, Satu's curiosity was the first thing that drew me to her. She didn't fit a mold of all of the parts you expect in a person. She didn't have simple taste in music, books, or interests that fit what you think of when you try to label someone as an artist, or lesbian or intellectual. She is all of the things that fit her and then worlds and worlds more.
Satu is just as likely to be drawn to an interesting bug as she is to a piece of fine jewelry and this is the complexity that keeps me surprised and happy with her. She is not some thing that I think she is or that the world thinks that she is, she is an infinite world of unique beauty and imagination. She is the only one of her kind. Though I know she will never be fully domesticated and could not thrive in captivity, we nest happily together. I can no longer imagine my own world without her in it, whistling and crouching in the doorways as this strange little animal does.
Most people who live in a two bedroom apartment would prefer a guest room, or an office, but we prefer worlds in our world.
The room is like us. It's happy. There are a lot of things that don't seem to belong, but actually do belong. Old tools. A doll that lives in a box, oars and artifacts.
With Satu, nothing ever seems out of place. There is no corner that she won't shine light into and look un-blinking with curiosity, amazement and openness. I think if I am completely honest, Satu's curiosity was the first thing that drew me to her. She didn't fit a mold of all of the parts you expect in a person. She didn't have simple taste in music, books, or interests that fit what you think of when you try to label someone as an artist, or lesbian or intellectual. She is all of the things that fit her and then worlds and worlds more.
Satu is just as likely to be drawn to an interesting bug as she is to a piece of fine jewelry and this is the complexity that keeps me surprised and happy with her. She is not some thing that I think she is or that the world thinks that she is, she is an infinite world of unique beauty and imagination. She is the only one of her kind. Though I know she will never be fully domesticated and could not thrive in captivity, we nest happily together. I can no longer imagine my own world without her in it, whistling and crouching in the doorways as this strange little animal does.
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