It is such a strange and busy time for us right now. Though we are on opposite schedules, I always feel connected to Satu. She is my home, our house is just a place where home happens to be. She has a harder time though.I am not sure why, but she goes back to her default solo setting when she doesn't see me for a little while. I stay on couple, but she resets to solo and we have to meet and reconnect all over before she can relax and feel loved. There are good things and bad things about her reset tendency. It seems to make our days off together new and meaningful, but it keeps the precious moments that we can grab out of any day we happen to have a few waking moments together more distant than they have to be.
I am also a very hands on, hugger. I would squeeze Satu any time she is still for more than a second if she would let me. During this strained time, I am sure it is like being hugged over and over again by a stranger. I might be a nice stranger with good intentions, but I am sure it is hard to stand still when your natural tendency is to flutter away to open skies.
I do hope that we will figure out how to get our schedules to cross over more in the future. I think I will end up on a day shift schedule which will allow us to have dinners together. Food has always been the thing that makes it seem like family time to me. In the mean time, I will do my best to leave a tasty meal for her when I can, and limit my hugging to a reasonable level.
Here are some things that I think that we can do to stay more connected while we don't see each other as much as we should:
1. Leave more notes on stuff. It is always nice to find a little heart drawn on your lunch bag or sewn into your sweater. Whenever I see a heart that Satu has made, my own heart aches and my body makes a reflexive hugging motion.
2. Try to feed her better. Satu feels loved when someone feeds her. I am going to do a better job this year of packing a lunch for her. I will have to find foods that she can eat without too much fuss, because she doesn't usually get much time to sit.
3. Hand rubs, back rubs and foot rubs. I am not sure why hugging makes her nervous, but I can wrench down on her muscles with all of my strength and that seems to be desirable.
4. Satu has developed some bedtime rituals to keep me calm and make our bed a calm place in the stormy world. We have tea sometimes or put lotion on our hands and listen to calming meditation recordings.
5. I will try to do a better job of prioritizing the things that she asks me to do. She doesn't ask for much, so I will do my best to come through when she does.
Sometimes, you don't really know which things are little things and which are really important, but when you don't see each other much, it is best to assume that every little act as a couple is more important.
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