What I look forward to

I got this picture from my lady earlier today

I love it not only because I love my two little idiot dogs, but because they are doing the thing that I want to be doing with Satu. They are just being,with no self awareness, close to each other and in exactly the right place. Home. I love going out and seeing the world, but what I really miss when I am gone are the quiet, easy times that we can have in our own home. 

I remember those times in my young life when I would stay up late with friends and talk all night. It is when you start to feel that the world is so much bigger than you are and the possibilities are endless, but you have this secret little place in time and space. Those times were exciting and hard to come by and eventually those people who shared that momentary perspective with you fade out of your life.

With Satu, I have that feeling anew every day. When I look at her, I feel like we are sharing some secret life that only we know about. She knows me in those moments like no one else in the world. We could be doing something that would seem ordinary to any other person, but somehow I feel so connected that I imagine us at the edge of this infinite and wonderful life together looking at things that no one else could see in the same way.

I don't honestly know if she ever gets the same feeling, but I feel it in my chest. It's physical, but it is unlike any other sensation I have ever had. When her eyes meet mine, worlds open. It almost hurts to feel everything passing through your chest, like you are disappearing into that one moment and your body is dissolving from the center. 

I am completely invested in this world. I follow that feeling because it is what I care about more than anything else in life. I know that other people love, in fact, I think that is the point of being human. But it still somehow feels impossible that anyone could have ever felt this before. It seems against all odds that we could have these moments together in such a random, stormy, confusing world full of people, And still, here we are, together, in the only real place in the world.