One of my odd, not so endearing quirks is that the more I am happy in love, or excited about something, the more time I spend worrying that I will fuck it all up somehow and end up living in an RV with 50 cats. Whenever I feel like I might win, there is something in my mind that says "don't get cocky, prepare yourself for failure so that you don't get crushed into a powder if you fail." For four years, Satu has been a voice that says "you might win, prepare for that."
We are such a funny couple, she is so small and seems kind of fragile because she is kind and understanding. Should you cross the line though, watch out, no more Mr. Nice Girl, just try to pull your poncho over your head and hope you die quickly. She is sensitive, but can survive anything, and I do really mean ANYTHING! I seem kind of built for battle I think, and it's true that I will never give up a physical quest, but everything on the inside is so soft. Emotionally I am a house of cards. My plan for handeling adversity is to get out of the room before anyone sees me cry.
Other than my sister, no one in my life has ever understood me like Satu. I feel so grateful to have her to face the world with me.
Here are just a few examples of how she shields my house of cards.
She distracts me on road trips so that I don't see the dead animals and feel sad.
She never corrects my grammar because she knows it will make me feel stupid, but a few days later, she will gently educate me at someone else's expense so that I will not feel stupid years later when I figure out that I used the wrong there(their) in a letter or something.
If I make an etttiquite error, she totally covers for me and takes the fall, even if it seems like she ate the thick squash skin and not me.
When I wake up in a panic, she can tell by my heartbeat and puts me to sleep again by rubbing my chest.
When one person tries to break me down, she spotlights the things that will build me back up.
She has never let me feel dumb for not finishing college, and keeps me believing that I am smart enough to go back.
She knows the difference between a real emotional crisis, and my hunger and pms breakdowns, but she treats all of these states with equal care.
When I call her and bother her with my worry and fear, she not only talks me through it, but she gives me a plan because she knows it helps me to have steps to take. Even if the plan is to put bath salts in the tub, light a candle and make tea, it helps.
She knows that if she looks at me a certain way, it makes me feel loved and safe. No matter how hard things are for her, she always makes sure I know that I am loved.
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