Why do you want to eat the children?

I have noticed that my wife always mentions trying to eat babies that she loves. My nephew is the main example. She wants to "gobble him up" or talks about him like a ham or a succulent turkey. I don't really understand this because in my mind if you eat something it disappears, but I think that Satu understands that eating something means it becomes part of you.

I usually think of myself as the animal and Satu as the floating brain, but recently I have started to think of Satu as a cute little animal. Yes, she's usually more together, more aware and more thoughtful, but she is just the kind of animal that wouldn't hit herself in the face with a car door. I have never really thought of her this way because she is a quiet animal. She usually keeps all of her animal thoughts inside. You may never know if she needs a thunder shirt, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want to feel held.

I sometimes wish that we could do what my sister just did and bring a child into our family. I'm too uncomfortable with my body and my age to ever be pregnant, but I wonder what our lives would be like if we could share this family we have made with another human animal. Satu has such a sharp mind and aside from always talking about eating them, she's so good with kids, I think some young human would be really lucky to have us as moms.

I sometimes think about how young my parents were when they were raising 2 and 3 year old me and wonder how they ever managed to keep me alive. I can't imagine knowing how to parent now, but I am certainly a more well rounded person than I was in my 20's. When I was 20 I could barely keep myself alive and now that i'm in my 40's, I'm not sure if I should yell at my dog when he poops on the floor or if I just work too much.

You know who would know how to handle this? Satu. She knows animals and people because she really sees them.

I empathize by thinking about how I would feel in a situation. She empathizes by knowing how someone else feels because she understands things about them that I don't see.

I never know if someone likes me or not because I just don't know. She never knows because you can never know everything about someone and there is always uncertainty.

Satu is really the more kind and feeling of the two of us even though I am the one who displays emotions more easily. I think it is because I was never made to feel ashamed or weak for my emotions. My dad is a very complicated animal and my mom is very forgiving. Satu on the other hand feels everything, but shows nothing because she learned from experience that people will manipulate you if you give away your vulnerabilities.How did she stay such a good mammal? I think she is just a good person.

Part of the reason that I love it when she shows me videos of bats eating bananas is that I know that when she does that it means that she felt some kind of kinship to the experience that the little bat was having. I feel empathy, but I wonder if she feels the experience in a different way. Does she imagine a simpler life where you get held in a warm blanket and have someone give you treats. Is she imagining what it would be like to feed the bat or to be the bat? Either way, I think she knows more about those feelings than I can.

Satu is a good mammal, but I would be a better wife if I knew when to be the big spoon and just let her be a little thing being loved. Sometimes I get distracted by her strength and forget that she needs to feel warm and loved too.

Things I want to do with my wife during this life time

As easy as it is to imagine our lives together as infinite, I know that it is important to experience as much of life as you can while you can. Anything good in this world can only be better when it is shared with someone you truly love. So here is a list of things I would like to experience with Satu that we have never done together.

1. Ride a roller coaster. I love roller coasters, they scare me in just the right way that I laugh the whole time.

2. See the Grand Canyon. I want to see all the world with Satu, but I have especially always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. Something about that kind of nature is really calming. I love a forest, or a hike in the woods, but it is relaxing to be in a beautiful place where you can see farther too.

3. Any animal interaction at all. Goats, birds, turtles, whatever, I want to see them with her because I know she will know how to talk to them.

4. Try skiing, Even though snow sucks, I think it would be fun and give us a reason to warm up.

5. Stay in a tree house.

6. Take her to Japan for sushi, but not blowfish because I don't actually want to risk losing her.

7. Adopt more cats and dogs one day when we have a bigger bit of land. Satu wants chickens which I don't mind, but they don't hang out with you. I'd like to adopt more cats and dogs.

8. See Christmas lights in a different place every year.

9. Drive route 66 again maybe in a classic car.

10. See more art. We haven't even gone to the Cleveland museum. It would be a good place to start.

11. Make some videos with plenty of laughing, talking and just being our happiest selves. My life is so much happier than I could have ever imagined. I just want to keep spending as many days as I can with my wife, my best friend and my everything.