Because I am a romantic, I suggested we curl up in the back of the car at one of the rest stops rather than to get a hotel for the evening. We spent a few hour re-arranging ourselves pushing bellybuttons against elbows and shoulders and waking up every hour to turn the engine on for heat. The dog was shivering, so we put him between us for warmth. Obviously we slept well and were refreshed and ready to hit the road at 5 am.
In the early afternoon, we made it to my parent's lake house and toured the neighborhood with them. Then, per family tradition, my dad under-grilled some hamburgers and Satu ate the rawest sushi beef of the bunch sneaking queasy, worried looks at me. After dinner she shared some caramel moonshine with my father. I was too scared. I don't like to drink liquor that comes in mason jars since I am convinced that it will instantly kill me.
The next day we drove 45 minutes around the lake to the little plot of land that my grandparents originally bought on that lake when it was built. What I love about it is the same feature that my grandfather probably loved, the steep hillside and giant, unmovable boulders that make it very difficult to build on. It is an inland lot, across from the lake which you can't see from there because the lot across the street is uncleared. I have dreams of buying the lot across the street and clearing the scrub for a dock and a fishing camp and putting a house on the inland lot built in to the boulders. I think it will look great framed by the neighbor's trailers on either side.
I think my wife is much more practical than I am and not necessarily enjoying the daydream like I am. When we got back to the cabin, my parents packed up to leave and Satu immediately started her period. It is difficult for us to have adult time lately since we work terrible, but opposite hours and we stay exhausted, so when vacation comes around, our hormones like to work to keep us exhausted and uncomfortable.
The next morning was my favorite part of the trip. Satu made coffee early and got me up to see the fog over the lake. What a beautiful, serine and quiet time.
Despite our cursed bodies keeping us to a PG rating, this morning time made me feel so close to her and happy to be on this life adventure.
The next night we made crabs for dinner and had a great evening until my panic kicked in. My sister met us at the lake with her new son. I love them both so much, and getting overwhelmed by that love puts me on kind of a see-saw of fear and uncertainty. My beautiful wife drove me around the treacherous winding roads at four in the morning because the pills didn't touch it. Eventually we went to an emergency room where they gave me enough to knock me out. I wish Satu could just shoot me with a tranquilizer sometimes because when I wake up, things are always back to feeling normal. I just get too spooled up.
The next morning, Thanksgiving, we drove down to my parent's house. Mom made a great thanksgiving dinner and everything was completely cooked. The rest of the trip was all about walking dogs and hanging out with the family, but I couldn't help missing the quiet lake morning and time alone with my wife. She is is the person that makes me feel safe and okay. She is my favorite person to laugh with and to just look at across the room. I like to hear her walking around in our house. I like to feel her turning over when she sleeps and I feel like holding her hand makes my heart melt a little in my chest.
I can't wait to give up this working life so I can settle into her orbit. Every day I feel more lost as the day goes on until I get back home to her.
