Forever! Now where did I put my brain? I feel like it has been years since I was able to live without the crushing sense of impending, never ending obligations. I don't think I could have done one more paper, one more discussion forum or spent one more Sunday morning in bed reading case studies while Satu and I should be doing something together.
Now, as I emerge from this 4 year long academic boot camp, a little fatter and paler, the first thing I want is a date night with my wonderful wife. School has always been hard for me, not because I am dumb, but because I am extremely averse to letting other people decide whether I am dumb or not. As hard as school was for me though, it was just as hard for my wife. All of the late nights spent giving me reassuring pats while I am a panic stricken, wide eyed paranoid ass hole. All of those things we could have done together if I hadn't been writing papers about things that happened in the business world a decade ago.
Satu deserves better, and now I can help make it better for her. We can finally go back to being two people in a relationship, rather than one person waiting for half of a person to have time to buck up and help out.
This weekend I was writing four papers the moment I woke up. Satu came in and put the dog on the bed with me, but I didn't even know she had been in the room. Later after a pee break, I came into the bedroom amazed to find our geriatric lab had somehow gotten up on the bed.
"She's been there for hours!" Satu exclaimed. I wish I could say that this is an isolated incident, but it's not. I never know were my keys are, if I paid the light bill, how to turn things on or off, or where we keep the things that I use everyday. I have rediscovered the lotion several times a week for two years.
The thing I am most looking forward to now is rediscovering my wife. I want to wake up on a Sunday with her and not have a plan already made. I want to help with the house and go out to eat without slipping into a brain numbing ocd episode about how someone might have poisoned the food.
Most of all, I want to go back to being the kind of wife that is there for Satu as much as she is here for me. I can finally feel and appreciate the warmth of spring, which this time is not just a two week reprieve before starting back to class. This time, it is the start of a wonderful summer.
