The most wonderful woman in the world

I am so happy to have Satu back at home. She was only gone for a few days, but as it turns out, I feel lost when she is away. I don't know if other couples experience this the same way, or even if Satu feels it the same, but she is so much a part of my life that it seems like I am not really myself when she is away. When she walked back into the home, the life came back with her.
You know those times when you feel like you can't get a full breath? You are breathing fine, but just not enough,and nothing is satisfying. When Satu comes home, or when I get to come home to her, it is like finally taking a satisfying breath.
I feel so grateful to sleep next to her. I feel known, understood and completely accepted. When she gave me the Everything is Going to Be Okay book, I felt a little overwhelmed seeing exactly how well she knows and understands me. As much as the different projects in the book show how her brain works and the brilliant connections and visual ideas that she can make, it also shows how she knows me. Every page is like someone saying exactly the thing that you need to hear at the exact right moment. I hear all of the kind words in her voice and I especially love the whimsical creatures that she included because they seem like each of them has a little bit of her personality. The seahorse has that curious and magical look on his face like she gets when she explores her world. The little bear and his friend on the top of the mountain are little shy, but kind-hearted creatures, and the blue footed boobies dance like we do.
Yesterday, Satu showed me how they dance. She did it perfectly, arching her back and swooshing the air around her with her outstretched wings. Then she settled back in to her center and bobbed just a little from side to side, gathering herself before lifting one blue foot into the air with her tail feathers pointed to the sky. It was absolutely perfect. It made me laugh and laugh. It is so wonderful to get to laugh like that, totally in the little fantasy that she created. To an outsider it probably would have seemed as strange as any two wild creatures could be, but here, in our happy nest, it is just another day with the most wonderful woman in the world.

Everything is Going to be Okay

Today I got the best gift anyone has ever given to me. Satu revealed the project that she has been working on for me for the last few months and it is better than I could have imagined. She found a book called "Everything is Going to be Okay," and has spent months adding to it little hand drawn, clever pictures and cutouts that make it about me and to me. There are too many wonderful bits in this book to cover in one post, so I plan to take it a page at a time and write about where these wonderful characters came from and how she worked to make it truly a piece of art.

Here is one of the pages she made just for me.

This is a map of my native wetlands. She knows my heart so well that she can map it from memory. Satu says that she says good night to me even when I am not home. I feel like she is the only one in the world who could know my heart like this, and wherever she is is the only home I want. 

Today is April 13, 2015 and it is now the day that should be our anniversary. I think that no ceremony or day or occasion of any kind could be more of a testament to love than the gift that she gave me this afternoon.

Everything is going to be okay.

I put this bullshit here.

Hey, hey you, what are you doing? I put this bullshit here. Right here.

I SAID, I PUT THIS BULLSHIT HERE!

So much sunshine per square inch

Last night I came home to a wonderful surprise. My sweet girl got me a bottle of fancy jasmine bath salts and with it I found this card.

She has started to leave special six hour tea lights on for me when she goes to bed so that I can come home to a warmly lit, safe feeling bedroom. It helps me if I wake up with a light on, but it also helps me feel loved to go to sleep that way, surrounded by slowly dancing amber shadows.

Last week we had a visit from her family which was fun, I like them, but I much prefer to have her all to myself. It really made me feel thankful for our quiet little nest and the happy times that we spend around each other. 

Our little home is my favorite place on earth. Satu fills it with delicious smells and laughter. I can not imagine a better life for us.